


Praying

by transdannyphantom



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a song, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, nothing eplicit, past lance/lotor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 13:44:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11442114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transdannyphantom/pseuds/transdannyphantom
Summary: Lance and Lotor were together for a long time. It wasn't happy.This is Lance on his way to recovery.





	Praying

**Author's Note:**

> so, this is based really heavily on Ke$ha's new single, Praying. it is really good, and i am soooo proud of her. anyway, this is a little angsty, but it ends happily. 
> 
> there are strong themes of abuse, and a mention of a suicide attempt. please, please, don't read if its something that might harm ur mental health. i want u to stay safe

_Well, you almost had me fooled_

_Told me that I was nothing without you_   
_Oh, and after everything you've done_   
_I can thank you for how strong I have become_

Their relationship, if you could call it that, lasted maybe three years. Three years too long, filled with angry words and snarling faces and purple and blue and sickly shades of yellow and brown and green. It wasn't healthy.

 

Things like this never were.

 

They met when they were in their late teens, and at first it was like a fairy tale story told to children. It was soft, and sweet, and everything one could want for their first real romantic relationship.

 

But it soured, like milk left too long in the fridge, slowly affecting everything else with the taste.

 

The first injury came as a surprise, a slap across the face during a heated “discussion”, striking a little too hard and too precise to just be an accident.

 

It was brushed off as one anyway, and reconciled with a bouquet of flowers, and sweet words whispered into ears during the night.

 

Then it happened again.

 

And again.

 

Words once kind and full of love warped into insults and constant complaints. Hands were raised in anger more than once.

 

But, Lance stayed with Lotor because the good times were fantastic, and Lotor had played with Lance's insecurities about being alone, making him think that Lotor was the only person who could ever want him. He felt like he had no where else to go.

 

His friendships began to fall apart, Lotor being too controlling.

 

_'Am I dead? Or is this one of those dreams? Those horrible dreams that seem like they last forever? If I am alive, why? Why?'_

 

He felt like he no longer owned his body, Lotor had taken that from him too on a night where he didn't listen to words, and in the morning Lance was covered in blood and bruises and tears.

 

_'If there is a God, or whatever, something, somewhere, why have I been abandoned by everyone and everything I've ever known, ever loved, stranded?'_

 

He tried to leave after that, he really did. But Lotor was rich, and influential, and everyone he had gone to had been payed off by Lotor. Lance didn't even have his family to turn to, because Lotor had driven them away, saying that it was Lance's wish that they not be bothered. He no longer had contact with his friends.

 

_'What is the lesson, what is the point?'_

 

It all got to be too much.

 

_'God give me a sign or I have to give up. I can't do this anymore, please just let me die. Being alive hurts too much.'_

 

So he tried to end it. It being his life.

 

He woke in the hospital, arms wrapped in thick white gauze, with his mother sobbing in the chair beside him.

 

“Mama, que esta mal?” He asked. He hated seeing his mother cry.

 

“Hijo mio,” his mother hiccuped, “Lo siento.”

 

He shook his head, “Why are you sorry, mama?”

 

“I believed Lotor over you, I let him take you away from us,” she reached out to grab his hand tightly. He winced, but squeezed her fingers as much as he could. “Mi hijo, you almost died.”

 

“I'm sorry mama. I tried, I- he- I couldn't leave. No one believed me. He's got too many friends, and- and- he's too strong. I tried to fight him, I tried, I--” He broke down crying.

 

“Oh, mi pequeño león, no hay nada que lamentarse. Estoy aquí ahora. Vamos a arreglar esto, juntos.”

 

“Te amo, mama.”

 

“Te amo, Alejandro.”

 

Lotor never visited him once while he was in the hospital.

 

It took a week for him to be released, his mother staying with him the entire time. The rest of his family, came in periodically, with flowers and gifts and sad faces. His siblings cried, the youngest ones crawling into his bed with him. His father, normally stoic and strong, looked gaunt and on the edge of breaking down.

 

But the worst was his abuela. His feisty abuela, who laughed at storms and reminded him of the ocean, could barely gather the strength to speak to him through her tears.

 

After he was released, his parents took him back to the apartment he shared with Lotor, and told him to stay in the car while they went and grabbed his things. Lance had no problem with that, he didn't want to see his asshole boyfriend – ex, he reminded himself, pulling out his phone and sending off the break up text while he was thinking about it. Then he quickly blocked Lotor's number and deleted everything he had to remind himself of those three terrible years.

 

Luckily, it seemed that his ex wasn't home at the time, and Lance's parents managed to get all of his belongings in just four trips. They gave him a pair of matching, blinding smiles – the smile that he inherited – before starting the car and heading back to his childhood home, over an hour away from his former address.

 

Which is where he still was, a year later.

 

He had quit the job he had worked at while living with Lotor, and gained one close to home. On the beach, actually, which he loved. He helped his parents look after the house, and the younger children (the oldest of which was seventeen). He cooked, and laughed, and enjoyed his life again. He got back in touch with his friends, and put forth the effort to fix their relationships.

 

He was healing.

 

So it came as a shock when, out of the blue, an all too familiar black car pulled up out front of his house, where all of his family – aunts, uncles, cousins, and everyone else – were gathered for a barbecue. Lance took one look, and froze, anger and fear meshing and filling his body.

 

Lotor, looking as he always did, long white hair sweeping over his shoulders, fitted high end clothes, an air of power and charisma clinging to him like a cloak, stepped out of the car. His dark eyes scanned the crowd, before landing on Lance. He smirked, and cockily made his way across the lawn.

 

“Lance, my dearest heart, is this where you have been hiding all this time?”

 

Lance's mother bristled, and his father began to stand before Lance held up a hand to stop him. They shared a look, and then Lance was standing and facing down his ex with a small scowl.

 

“I haven't been hiding, Lotor.” He said, voice hard. “I broke up with you.”

 

Lotor laughed. “Oh, that is a good joke, mi amor. You wouldn't ever. You love me too much.”

 

“It's not a joke, Lotor. I broke up with you. After I got out of the hospital.” Lance was gripping the edge of the table hard, knuckles white. “I tried to kill myself. I was hospitalized for a week, and you didn't visit. Not once.”

 

Lotor scoffed, face growing into an expression that Lance knew too well. A face that haunted his nightmares. Irritation. “That's because you were pathetic to have ended up there.”

 

The entire Espinosa family made their opinions of Lotor's attitude known, an uproar of insults and rapid fire Spanish, all dripping with fury. They wanted blood.

 

Again, Lance held up a hand. The noise stopped. “Why are you here, Lotor?”

 

“To bring you home.”

 

“I am home.”

 

Lotor snarled, and it took everything Lance had to not step back. He could feel the panic rising in his body, but he forced himself to be calm. At least until Lotor was no longer a threat.

 

“You stupid little piece of shit, you belong to me!” Lotor growled, fists clenched by his sides. “You are nothing! Who else would want to be around you?” He took a few deep breaths, face falling into a carefully neutral mask. A false calm. “Please, my love. Come back with me. I need you. I love you.”

 

He offered a hand out to Lance, staring him right in the eyes. Lance stared back, seeing the monster that his ex was, the monster that he had missed when they first got together but everyone else had seen. It gave him the strength to gather his resolve.

 

“No.”

 

“No?” Lotor asked, incredulous.

 

“That right. I'm not going anywhere with you.” Lance said, voice surprisingly clear. He released his hold on the table, running his hands through his hair. “I want to thank you though.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For how strong I have become without you. Or even because of you. In spite of you tearing me down at every turn, I managed to fight for myself. I can breathe again. So thank you, for putting me through hell so I can know I have the strength to beat anything.” Lance smiled softly, eyes closing as he took in the loving supportive presence of his family.

 

“So that's it, then?” Lotor's voice pulled him back to the moment.

 

“That's it.” Lance nodded.

 

“You're not going to make it anywhere without me, you know that right?”

 

Lance let out a small chuckle. “Maybe so, but I'm fine with that.”

 

Lotor rolled his eyes.

 

“Good bye, Lotor.”

 

Lance turned away from him, and with a gentle smile to everyone around him, headed into the house.

 

He sat down at the stand up piano in their living room, covered in scuffs and scrapes and picture frames filled with family members and drawings. He could hear the squealing of tires against asphalt, signaling that Lotor had left. A tear rolled down his face, relief taking away all of the tension in his body.

 

He lifted his hands and placed them on the keys, tapping out a simple melancholy melody. The front door opened and shut with a soft click, and then footsteps were making their way to where Lance sat.

 

The pair sat in almost silence for a while, Lance only looking at his hands as he played the piano. And then he began to sing.

 

“ _You brought the flames and you put me through hell_ _  
__I had to learn how to fight for myself_ _  
__And we both know all the truth I could tell_ _  
__I'll just say this is I wish you farewell_ _  
  
_ “ _I hope you're somewhere praying, praying_ _  
__I hope your soul is changing, changing_ _  
__I hope you find your peace_ _  
__Falling on your knees, praying_ ”

 

He stopped when whoever sitting next to him – vanilla and sandalwood and jasmine, his eldest sisters favourite perfume – wrapped their arms around his shoulders.

 

“I'm proud of you, little brother.” Esperanza whispered. “You are so very brave, and stronger than any of us.”

 

“Sometimes, at night, I pray for him, y'know?” Lance said, after a moment. “I pray that maybe he'll see the light, that everything he did was wrong and he feels remorse. I pray that he changes. Sometimes, I even hope that he starts praying for forgiveness.”

 

“Some things only God can forgive, Alejandro.” Esperanza cupped his face with her hand, turning him to look at her. “He never deserved you.”

 

“Te amo, Anna.”

 

“Te amo, Lancie.”

 

He may not be completely whole, he may still suffer from nightmares and panics when someone looks angry. He may flinch when someone lifts a hand around him.

 

But here, around his family, he is healing.

 

And he is strong enough to conquer this.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i don't speak spanish, so the translations may be a little off (i used translate)


End file.
